Love is the drug

There are many different kinds of love and love is very difficult to define - most of us know it when we feel it, but ask anyone to break love down into its constituent parts and they will likely falter. Romantic love is one of the most exciting manifestations of the love effect.

The anthropologist Helen Fisher and her assistants studied 49 men and women's physical reaction to love and loss. They put each individual into a brain scanner and showed that love is the product of a chemical reaction in the brain. Fisher found that love 'lights up' an area of the brain that is similarly affected when people take cocaine. Certainly, love is one of the most powerful, if not the most powerful emotion that people feel.

In her book, 'Why we love' Fisher discusses the results of her studies of the brains of 17 people who had just fallen in love, 15 people who had just been rejected and 17 people who were still in love after 20 years of marriage. She traces the origin of love and the evolution of love, from the first love poem, which dates from Sumeria over 4,000 years ago, to the present day. Her theory is that romantic love is a primal emotion that exists in order to promote procreation and the survival of the human race.

However, other researchers contend that while sexual relationships have (obviously) happened since complex life existed, romance is a new fangled idea that only came into being in recent centuries. These researchers claim that for a long period, humans did not experience any form of romantic love. Clearly, these researchers have not yet delved into the poetry of ancient Sumeria.

The term 'romance' is certainly not as old as romantic love itself. The term originated from the medieval ideal of chivalry, which was described in romance literature. This literature was based largely upon tales of the adventures of the elite classes and love had little to do with this 'romance' until the late 17th century.

So, today, what do we mean when we seek romance? Candle-light dinners can be lovely, but why does a heart drawn in the sand bring a smile to someone's face? I believe that most of us seek reassurance that our feelings of strong emotion for someone are returned. Grand gestures and thoughtful touches demonstrate clearly that someone cares about us and when we know that someone shares our feelings, we are more confident in demonstrating our own love.

One of the greatest challenges is that of keeping romance alive after the first flutter of sexual attraction has passed. I doubt that there is any full-proof way to keep the embers of romantic love burning, but from what I have observed, I note that the couples who seem happiest after many years together are those who laugh together and work towards common goals, while maintaining a certain independence through their own particular hobbies or interests. My theory is that romance doesn't always come naturally and that you've got to help it along from time to time. Thankfully, the odd weekend away, candlelit dinner and thoughtful gift seem to go a long way towards rekindling the fires. And sometimes the most romantic moments are those that only you and your partner understand, when you share something that means a lot to both of you, but which no one else might appreciate.

Finally, a word of advice from the not particularly wise to those whose fire has almost burnt out: if in doubt, bring flowers (unless your beloved suffers with hay fever that is, in which case arm yourself with anti-hystemines before suggesting any romantic picnics, or long walks in the country. On second thoughts, stick to chocolates and the sea-side and save your loved-one from sneezes and streaming eyes; there's nothing romantic about feeling like a snivelling wreck!).

Down with stress

Quite some time ago, while discussing philosophy and the meaning of life I wrote that this search would not involve mathematics. There is something else that I would like to exclude from this compendium of all things meaningful and that is stress.

Yesterday, I met with a woman who exuded stress the way some people exude confidence. It coloured her every word and movement to the degree that I began to sniff the air for the stench of it.

Stress is one of the most poisonous by-products of modern existence. With all our labour saving devices and life-extending medical treatments, rarely have so many suffered from such a degree of tension since hunting and gathering times.

We obsess about the consumption of carcinogenic foods and have banished smokers from sight in order to diminish our risk of contracting cancer but we accept without question a degree of stress that causes high blood pressure, cancer, skin disorders, ruined relationships and countless disturbed nights of sleep, or lack thereof.

Here are the things that I do to reduce stress:

- jogging is my number one stress busting activity, a good run along the beach near my house seems to melt away tension and make the world seem like a much more pleasant place than it was when I first put trainer to ground.

- sitting in the sun is another wonderful way to relieve stress. It is amazing how the warm rays of the sun cause my shoulders to drop, my face to relax and my mood to lift considerably.

- cooking tomato sauce has always helped me to blend away the day. Maybe this is a cure that is particular to me, but I have always found it enormously therapeutic to stand over a hot pot of sauce, stirring and watching, with little worry that I will ruin the dinner if I drift off into thought for several minutes while I cook.

- there's nothing quite like the talking cure and women are great at this. We talk ourselves into circles and then out of them again.

- sleeping for 10 hours on the trot has an unbelievable (literally, I did not believe that sleep alone would have the effect that it did - try it, it's wonderful) de-stressing effect. I never feel quite so calm, collected and in control as I do when I sleep for 10 hours. Of course, having the time to sleep for half the day is quite a luxury and one of the reasons why, although being unemployed can be enormously stressful, I felt energised throughout much of the time that I was free of the 9-5.

And now that my lunch break is drawing to a close, I must dash outside to take a few gasps of fresh air before I plough on, full speed ahead towards 5.30 and the light at the end of the stress tunnel.

Ash Friday

Seemingly pre-historic events have invaded our post-post-modern airspace. Ice chunks tumbled from a volcano beneath Iceland's Eyjafjallajokull (ay-yah-FHAH'-plah-yer-kuh-duhl) glacier on Thursday, as hot gases melted the ice. The ash cloud that formed subsequently has grounded flights across Europe.

We are at the whim of the flow and flux of molten metals and sheets of rock. How strange it seems that in this advanced, technological age our high flying plans can be curtailed by something so basic and unpreventable as the lumbering movements of mother earth's belly.

How easy it is to forget that no matter how many life-enhancing super drugs or super computers we invent, our lives here are unstable at best. We may be the most advanced lifeforms on the planet, but the simple truth is that we're no match for that planet, when it flexes its muscles we crumble and bow down before its might.

Why ever we thought that we could become masters of the universe I cannot understand. Why we abused this planet for so long and celebrated our ability to do so, I cannot even begin to fathom. Human life on earth may eventually be brought to an end by the eruption of a super-volcano, or by a meteor that smashes into the surface of the earth, alternatively we may overheat our planet or starve to death due to man-made environmental degradation. It is humbling to know that there are forces more powerful than armies, nuclear bombs and withering looks. I think that it is also useful to be reminded from time to time that the planet is powerful, the planet will out live us by a long way, we're just passengers here and we should respect this position.

That sunshine feeling

The sun has certainly had its hat on for the past few days and Dublin has been infused with an atmosphere of celebration. We enjoy so few sunny days in Ireland that when the clouds break for a day or two, most people make a dash into the outdoors in order to soak up all the sunshine that they can.

There's something wonderful about the play of sunshine on the skin and the feeling of light in one's eyes that brings a smile to one's face. This weekend, it felt as if the recession had loosened its grip on the country and people were thrilled to sit in the parks, play on the beaches and exercise outdoors.

I've been thinking about sunshine this morning. This is partly due to the continuing good weather but also due to the fact that I've spent most of my morning writing an article about Vanuatu. Several years ago Vanuatu topped the polls to be named the happiest place on earth. The collective contentment of its citizens is attributed to a variety of characteristics of life on Vanuatu. For one, many people who live on this archipelago of volcanic islands are self sufficient and no-one goes hungry thanks to the fertile soil and abundance of fruit and vegetables. Secondly, life on Vanuatu is about as far removed from a consumer society as one can imagine. The spoils of economic life are not favoured as much stability, family and relaxation. This is not to say that people are lazy, but rather that they take more joy from spending time with family and friends than they do from buying the latest gadget or purchasing expensive clothes or accommodation.

And then there's the sunshine factor...

Vanuatu is located in a sub-tropical region of the south pacific. The sun shines for nine glorious months of every year and no one lives more than a few minutes from a beach.

There can be no denying it, sunshine makes us happy. Maybe it's the vitamin D, possibly it's the fact that sunlight makes the world look clearer and more beautiful but, whatever causes it, when the sun smiles upon us and we enjoy it in small doses, we usually end up smiling too.

This morning I've begun my article by suggesting that Vanuatu is a location where someone could find happiness. I certainly enjoyed my visit there last year but today, in usually grey Dublin, when the skies are blue and the air warm, this seems like as perfect a location as almost any.

If the meaning of life is to find happiness, a good blast of sunshine is likely to bring us closer to finding that meaning. Sometimes the answers are more simple than the questions and in this case it seems to be the case. Looking for the meaning of life? Just step outdoors.

The rules of attraction

After yesterday's posting about the power of fleeting glances and lingering looks, my mind has turned today to the power of attraction.

What is it that leads us to choose a given mate? Why do we find certain body shapes attractive? Why is it that the girls with the big booties and tiny waists get all the guys? And how is it that the men with symmetrical faces and wide shoulders win the favour of the fairest ladies?

The answer is simple - within just moments of meeting a member of the opposite sex, our subconscious minds make a decisive decision as to whether this individual can provide suitable genetic material for our future children. What our subconscious doesn't seem to realise is that we're not always lining up members of the opposite sex for this purpose. In fact, our subconscious uses the same check list when sizing up a potential one night stand that it does when met with someone who we might actually want to start a family with. And that subconscious check list remains even when we're past the days of baby-making and enjoying a later blooming.

So what are the visual signals that we seek in partners? Surprisingly, the answer is not big boobs and a tight ass.

Symmetry appears to play a significant role. This is explained by the fact that we are formed through a splitting of cells. If this process continues from conception in a successful manner, we will be born with symmetrical faces and bodies. Few individuals are born and continue through life as symmetrical beings. Those whose bodies could theoretically be folded over onto themselves to make a perfect match are often visually arresting, just by virtue of the mirror match effect of their features.

Hip to waist ratio is another attraction factor. Women with waists that are significantly narrower than their hips seem to be most attractive to men. Such a ratio is a visual clue that speaks directly to a man's subconscious and tells him that a woman is strong enough to carry his child. Try explaining that to a guy who chases big bootied women for short lived flings!

Men with straight hips and waist appear to be most attractive to women, but strong shoulders for working hard and bearing weight seem to be more important when it comes to getting the girl.

Face structure plays a factor in attraction. Fine-boned women with prominent eyes are often deemed to be the most attractive, while a man's strong jaw is sure to turn the heads of the ladies. Again, this attraction is due to a subconscious awareness that the narrow jaws of women suggest good reproductive health, while the wider jaws of men indicate a high level of testosterone.

And what about those brother-sister couples, who appear to look weirdly alike? Some put this phenomenon down to vanity on the part of both partners however, there is another explanation. Once again, it all comes down to baby making. For the sake of our children's health and well being, we often seek out mates who have similar but not identical genetic material to our own.

Much is written about pheromones and the power of these secret-super-scents to drive us wild. While one can be drawn to the smell of another person's skin, some researchers argue that humans do not absorb the scent of pheromones, either because pheromones are usually found floating somewhere near our feet, or because we have become genetically predisposed to favour visual signs of attraction, rather than olfactory signals.

Whatever it is that causes us to find someone physically attractive, attraction alone does not appear capable of sustaining long term relationships. Communication, caring and shared interests seem to be the ingredients for lasting success, however a good dose of attraction certainly helps things along in the beginning, even if our subconscious keeps us in the dark as to why it causes us to look twice at the dark eyed beauty we spot across a room.

The eyes have it

This afternoon I'm going to see an eye specialist for a routine check up. In my typical scatter-gun approach to blogging, this visit prompted me to think about eye-contact.

In my opinion, eye-contact is fascinating. I often feel that we communicate more with a brief look into someone else's eyes than we could by means of a lengthy conversation. When we communicate with our eyes we communicate in a pure sense. It is for this reason that Socrates referred to the eyes as the window to the soul.

Furthermore, when we make eye-contact with someone from a distance away and even across a crowded space, we recognise immediately that they have noticed us and they they are aware that we have noted them. The mutual aspect of eye-contact is truly amazing.

Surprisingly, the term 'eye-contact' was coined in the early to mid 1960s. I had presumed that this term was as old as the recognition that we can communicate without words.

In western society eye-contact is usually understood to be a sign of confidence and a means to communicate socially. However, is some cultures in Asia, prolonged eye-contact is read as a sign of aggression, particularly when a subordinate retains eye-contact with a superior.

While we in the West often assume that if someone cannot make eye-contact with us they are shy, weak or in some way lacking belief in themselves, some researchers suggest that we would be best to refrain from making eye-contact when people ask us demanding questions. These researchers found that maintaining eye-contact is so very mentally challenging that those who look away when they answer a question are more likely to respond correctly.

However, when it comes to close friends and particularly lovers, if someone does not meet your eye when you offer it, it can be disconcerting. How do we know whether someone loves us if we cannot see into the window to their soul?

The will to live

Often, a collective belief arises in something that we can't see or prove the existence of. Sometimes, we defend our belief on the basis that we have no other adequate explanation for a specific phenomenon, or based on our own observations.

Many of us believe in the will to live. We have no proof that we can will ourselves to heal after illness, or to continue to live when science suggests that we should have given up the ghost. Yet we believe, partly because it seems to make sense that if we really, really want to stay alive, we will do, to a certain point. Perhaps this makes sense to us because we are aware that even when we are very tired, we are capable of forcing ourselves to remain awake for long periods of time - and so life's tiniest challenges convince us to believe in the power of our minds (maybe even our souls) to control aspects of the physical.

Psychologists and philosophers have addressed the phenomenon of the will to live and they concluded with varying opinions as to its nature. Freud understood our most powerful driver to be a will to pleasure; Alfred Adler created an individual psychology based on the will to power; Viktor Frankl, whose work I discussed in a previous post, developed the branch of psychotherapy called logotherapy, which centres upon the will to meaning. 19th century philosopher, Schopenhauer understood man's will as a powerful but negative force. His analysis of man's will led him to believe that emotional, physical and sexual desires led only to pain and suffering. He favoured a lifestyle free of human desires, similar to that promoted by the Stoics, Buddhism and Vedanta.

This morning I read a report by a Massachusetts USA based oncologist. He writes that although the will to live can not be measured accurately, nor understood in a scientific sense, from his surgery he notes that a strong will to live can improve quality of life and may even prolong life. His goes on to say that patients who have a positive attitude are better able to cope with the challenges presented by illness and may respond better to therapy.

He quotes from Coping with Cancer, which says that the most important ingredient in the will to live is hope. Much like in the writing of Viktor Frankl, hope is described as the element that people live on when logic tells them that they have little chance for a happy future, or indeed a future of any kind.

Another study that I found at Psychiatry Online noted that the will to live is often influenced by existential variables such as hopelessness, the feeling of being a burden to others and a loss of dignity.

Essentially, it appears that by believing that we are worthy of happiness and that we have the potential to be happy we may boost our will to live and in so doing, actually improve our chances of a healthy, happy and long life.

So, my message today is think positive - blind hope may save your life one day.