The anthropologist Helen Fisher and her assistants studied 49 men and women's physical reaction to love and loss. They put each individual into a brain scanner and showed that love is the product of a chemical reaction in the brain. Fisher found that love 'lights up' an area of the brain that is similarly affected when people take cocaine. Certainly, love is one of the most powerful, if not the most powerful emotion that people feel.
In her book, 'Why we love' Fisher discusses the results of her studies of the brains of 17 people who had just fallen in love, 15 people who had just been rejected and 17 people who were still in love after 20 years of marriage. She traces the origin of love and the evolution of love, from the first love poem, which dates from Sumeria over 4,000 years ago, to the present day. Her theory is that romantic love is a primal emotion that exists in order to promote procreation and the survival of the human race.
However, other researchers contend that while sexual relationships have (obviously) happened since complex life existed, romance is a new fangled idea that only came into being in recent centuries. These researchers claim that for a long period, humans did not experience any form of romantic love. Clearly, these researchers have not yet delved into the poetry of ancient Sumeria.
The term 'romance' is certainly not as old as romantic love itself. The term originated from the medieval ideal of chivalry, which was described in romance literature. This literature was based largely upon tales of the adventures of the elite classes and love had little to do with this 'romance' until the late 17th century.
So, today, what do we mean when we seek romance? Candle-light dinners can be lovely, but why does a heart drawn in the sand bring a smile to someone's face? I believe that most of us seek reassurance that our feelings of strong emotion for someone are returned. Grand gestures and thoughtful touches demonstrate clearly that someone cares about us and when we know that someone shares our feelings, we are more confident in demonstrating our own love.
One of the greatest challenges is that of keeping romance alive after the first flutter of sexual attraction has passed. I doubt that there is any full-proof way to keep the embers of romantic love burning, but from what I have observed, I note that the couples who seem happiest after many years together are those who laugh together and work towards common goals, while maintaining a certain independence through their own particular hobbies or interests. My theory is that romance doesn't always come naturally and that you've got to help it along from time to time. Thankfully, the odd weekend away, candlelit dinner and thoughtful gift seem to go a long way towards rekindling the fires. And sometimes the most romantic moments are those that only you and your partner understand, when you share something that means a lot to both of you, but which no one else might appreciate.
Finally, a word of advice from the not particularly wise to those whose fire has almost burnt out: if in doubt, bring flowers (unless your beloved suffers with hay fever that is, in which case arm yourself with anti-hystemines before suggesting any romantic picnics, or long walks in the country. On second thoughts, stick to chocolates and the sea-side and save your loved-one from sneezes and streaming eyes; there's nothing romantic about feeling like a snivelling wreck!).
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