Will we ever be happy enough?

I've had a very lovely life, I've been very lucky. I've been happier more often I've been unhappy and I've experienced greater joy than misery. But will this bank of happiness see me through? Will I ever get to a point when I have experienced sufficient joy that no matter what happens, my overall life satisfaction will be unaltered?

Personally, I look forward. I think always of the future and I like to plan my future joy, but expect it to come spontaneously when it finally arrives. Much of my happiness is based on my expectation of the future. So, although I can remind myself of plenty of happy times and do not carry around with me a bundle of worries built high by past events, I suspect that I will never be satisfied. It seems that it's not what I've had, but what I might experience in the future that keeps me smiling (or scares me).

Perhaps when I am very old and believe myself to have reached the final stage of the race, a point at which there is no further piece of the puzzle to fit together, maybe then I will turn my mind backwards and all the happy days that I've enjoyed to date will start to stand to me.

For now, I simply try to remember to be grateful and to recognise that I've had an easy ride, which is rare in this fragmented age.

I have been lucky enough to discover some of the things that do make me happy. If you never experience joy, how do you know what fills you with that bubbly, smiling feeling?

Now, if only I could create some co-herant plan to ensure future happiness, I wouldn't have to worry about what's coming and could enjoy the days that's here right now. How fickle we are, even the people who acknowledge that they've been lucky (me), fear that their luck will run out.

One to do done

I can finally cross one 'to do' off my 'to do list'. My balcony is awash with colour. My wonderful mother took a trip to the garden centre and came back with pot loads of summer flowers, which she gave to me and that I have planted in window boxes and ceramic posts. As I look outside, through the summer rain, I am made infinitely happy by the sight of my begonias, butterfly lavender and daisies bouncing in the breeze.

Some people don't 'do' gardening and don't see the point. The arrangement of plants together in pretty groups doesn't 'do' anything particular that should make our lives any better, and yet, in my case, I find that it does make my life a happier one. It is not what the plants do, so much as what they are that makes me happy. My plants don't provide me with any sustenance, they won't make me any wealthier and I have sufficient fresh air that their ability to exchange gases is of little concern to me, yet by being pretty and by conjuring images of summer meadows, lazy afternoons and sunshine, they make my life that little brighter. Plus, they need me and it is always satisfying to be required.

In my experience, happiness is not always logical, but illogical joy is often perfectly sensible and a good indication of sanity.

I like to think that what separates us from the animals is our ability to appreciate beauty, but this is probably a romantic notion with little basis in truth. Who am I to say that a gorilla does not appreciate the sight of the morning mist rising from the foothills of a Rwandan mountain?

Whether it is a human characteristic or not, it seems that it is in our nature to take satisfaction from beautiful paintings, well designed buildings and sweeping views across long valleys, amongst other eye-pleasers.

Functionality is all very well, calculated reasoning is vital, but a splash of colour from a bursting window box can warm the heart, and life with a cold heart offers little to live for. It is immensely satisfying to work out a difficult problem and to perform a job that I feel means something, but sometimes all I want to do is sit on a chair on my balcony, surrounded by purple flowers, swatting the bees away with my Sunday paper.

Measuring happiness

What really makes us happy? The results of the annual Harris Poll Happiness Index, released last week, indicate that 80% of (American) respondents are satisfied with their lot. This despite the fact that 72% of them feel that their views were not heard at the seat of power and that 66% report that they frequently worry about their financial situation.

Interesting data from the Poll includes the findings that women are generally more happy than men (and married women are happier than their singleton friends), people seem to become increasingly happy as they age and the lucky individuals who earn over $75,000 are significantly happier than those who earn under $35,000. Maybe money can buy a certain amount of happiness - or peace of mind - after all.

Comparison of this year's Poll Index with that of the past two years indicates that White Americans are less happy than they were three years ago, while Hispanics and African-Americans have become happier, and the happiness levels of both of these ethnic groups have surged to surpass the contentment levels of White Americans.

In what might seem to some to be a surprising result, disabled people polled as being marginally more happy than those who do not have a disability.

One finding that I find particularly interesting is that, serious talkers, who talk frequently about topics such as politics, education and the economy are much happier than those who talk about 'light topics' frequently. Generally, talking seems either to indicate happiness, or to keep us smiling; the silent types clocked up far less happiness than their chatty counterparts and the index of their happiness came in far lower down the scale than that of the average adult.

So, if you truly want to experience happiness your best bet is to be a well-paid, married, black female in the autumn of your life, who enjoys a regular debate about health care reform, or the state of the nation.

And what about the rest of us?

You can't do much about your age, gender or ethnicity. You can't necessarily alter how much money you make. You can become more engaged in your society and you can get involved in serious discussion about the larger issues.

So, get out there, get informed and get talking!

Happiness at the click of a mouse

Access to technology can be linked with positive emotions, according to a recent study by BCS, the Chartered Institute for IT. We might like to reminisce about just how happy we felt when we first cradled in our hands our new iPhone, or how devastated we were when our computer crashed while we were performing an important operation, but overall, do we feel happier or more stressed by the gadgets, gizmos and metatags that have become a part of our daily lives? Not one to make idle speculation, before coming to its own conclusions regarding technology and satisfaction, BCS took into account the views of 35,000 people around the world.

It found that women in developing nations and people of both sexes who had low levels of education or low incomes were particularly influenced by their access to technology.

Certainly, technology helps up to connect with friends and family who have spread themselves across great distances and this may be the reason why women, the cogs at the centre of most families, particularly value access to technology.

However, many researchers disagree that technology makes us any happier, including Yair Amichai-Hamburger, director for Internet Psychology at the Sammy Ofer School of Communications in Israel, who argued in an article in New Scientist (December 2009) that technology often acts as a barrier to real-world friendships and blurs the important distinctions between work and leisure time.

Like many things in life, balance appears to be the key to enjoying technology. A little is fantastic, but overindulgence (often manifest in addiction to the Internet) can mean that other areas of our lives suffer.

So is the iPad the answer to eternal happiness? I can't help but think that there is no one universal recipe for happiness, but perhaps a recipe for 'happiness in our times', that many of us could use as a base, upon which to build our own happiness soup.

It seems that as humans, we need to feel connected to one another. We require friendships, personal contact and love to grow in a positive manner. In recent times, western society has become fragmented and technology has stepped into the space created to fill the void with Facebook friends, text messages and blogs. These interactions are better than none at all and the nature of friendships that are supported by technology is such that those friendships can form and grow across great distances and time zones. This means that your Facebook friend might not be able to reach out and give you a hug, but you and they may share interests and ideas, that no one in your local area shares with you.

The argument as to whether technology is friend or foe to our collective happiness must take into account our human desire to be included in our society. Western society is a society that relies upon and revels in its technology and should one not have access to it, exclusion would certainly feel like a loss, if not a social disability. I can't comment on the situation in other cultures, but I would imagine that as technology becomes more pervasive, exclusion from its use becomes a greater issue.

The BCS study suggests that one of the reasons why technology makes people happy is the status that it affords them. Since Adam and Eve first enjoyed a wickedly delicious taste of indulgence, people have derived a certain degree of pride and contentment from displaying status symbols . Whether that status comes from owning the largest herd of cattle; driving the streets in a brand new sports car; or whipping out our brand new gadget to show salivating friends, our enjoyment comes from proving to friends that we are somebody, that we're in the know and that our personal capital is valuable.

All of this said, I don't believe that having access to technology alone will make a life meaningful. Technology is an instrument that allows us to perform certain tasks. What we do with technology and how we do it must be the source of any real meaning.

Learn to be happy and you'll be healthy

I've been dancing around it for a long time but today I'm going to come out and say it: most of us, when we search for the meaning of life, are really searching for the secret to happiness. I've tried not to fall into this trap and, although I think that an unhappy life is not necessarily a life that is devoid of meaning, my inclination when I research philosophy, history, contemporary news stories and when I make observations about my own life, is to presume that happiness is indicative of successful living.

I'm sure that many immoral and cruel individuals experience a certain degree of happiness and I would hate to suggest that their brand of living is a successful model that the rest of us should follow. This said, in the case of most not-totally-insane individuals, personal happiness is usually a sign of a life well lived and a rosey outlook.

Happiness seems to be the secret to successful living, not only for its own ends, but due to the health benefits that accrue when one feels happy. Quite simple, happiness helps us to thrive, both mentally and physically.

Positive psychology is a branch of psychology that focuses upon the origin and impact of positive emotions. Some positive psychologists argue that happiness is an emotion that leads to better learning and it has been linked, in numerous studies, with reduced incidence of stress and heart disease. Researcher Barbara Fredrickson, in an article called 'The undoing effect of positive emotions' hypothesises that positive emotions help a person to return to their normal physiological levels after a period of intense stress.

In the general sense, positive emotions seem to have numerous benefits for human health. People who believe that they can positively influence situations experience lower stress levels, improved immune systems, reduced pain and are in a better position to overcome addiction and dependency than are those who believe that their suffering is outside of their control.

Based on their research, positive psychologists have developed techniques to improve the life experiences of those with perfect mental health, as well as people suffering with depression and other mental illnesses. Such is the evidence to support positive psychology and optimism that these techniques are used by life coaches, HR professionals, psychologists, therapists and counsellors to help people to thrive.

The eminent psychologist, Martin Seligman teaches what he calls 'learned optimism' and finds that those who have been taught to deal with situations in such a way as to reduce negative emotions, experience less stress and are generally more successful in study and work situations.

Seligman's method of teaching optimism is simple. He asks 'students' to understand how and why they react in certain ways to adversity, to analyse the basis for their assumption and then to dispute it in their own minds. In this manner people learn to react differently when faced with challenges and research has shown that after having learnt optimism, individuals experience less anxiety and less stress.

Given the evidence to support happiness, I've chosen this lovely subject as the focus of the next few of my blogs. I can't think of a single reason why happiness might not be the meaning of life and I challenge anyone to suggest why learning to be happy and tending one's mental health and attitudes might not be as vital as is looking after one's general health.

The meaning according to the Dalai Lama

I found it, I found it! A definitive explanation of the meaning of life from a trusted source. It seems quite incredible that I have managed to discover the purpose of existence in just a few short weeks and from my apartment, but thanks to the world wide web, such wonders are now possible.

In this case, my trusted source is his holiness the Dalai Lama, who along with Nelson Mandela and Ghandi, is one of the most trusted sources that one could go to to petition for wise words (although to speak to Ghandi the not uncomplicated business of time travel would also have to be negotiated).

Thankfully, in this modern age, even the most luminous of luminaries have official web pages and that of the Dalai Lama includes information about his schedule, recent press releases, photos of the Dalai Lama (usually smiling, laughing or waving joyfully) and his answer to the age old question: what is the meaning of life?

I'd like to include a quotation from his answer, because I cannot paraphrase his words in any way that will make his messages more meaningful or concise and because there is nothing like wisdom straight from the holiness's mouth.

I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. From the moment of birth, every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering. Neither social conditioning nor education nor ideology affect this. From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment. I don't know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves. Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness.

How to achieve happiness
For a start, it is possible to divide every kind of happiness and suffering into two main categories: mental and physical. Of the two, it is the mind that exerts the greatest influence on most of us. Unless we are either gravely ill or deprived of basic necessities, our physical condition plays a secondary role in life. If the body is content, we virtually ignore it. The mind, however, registers every event, no matter how small. Hence we should devote our most serious efforts to bringing about mental peace.

From my own limited experience I have found that the greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion.

The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of well-being becomes. Cultivating a close, warm-hearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. This helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the ultimate source of success in life.

As long as we live in this world we are bound to encounter problems. If, at such times, we lose hope and become discouraged, we diminish our ability to face difficulties. If, on the other hand, we remember that it is not just ourselves but every one who has to undergo suffering, this more realistic perspective will increase our determination and capacity to overcome troubles. Indeed, with this attitude, each new obstacle can be seen as yet another valuable opportunity to improve our mind!

Thus we can strive gradually to become more compassionate, that is we can develop both genuine sympathy for others' suffering and the will to help remove their pain. As a result, our own serenity and inner strength will increase.

Our need for love
Ultimately, the reason why love and compassion bring the greatest happiness is simply that our nature cherishes them above all else. The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. It results from the profound interdependence we all share with one another. However capable and skillful an individual may be, left alone, he or she will not survive. However vigorous and independent one may feel during the most prosperous periods of life, when one is sick or very young or very old, one must depend on the support of others.

Inter-dependence, of course, is a fundamental law of nature. Not only higher forms of life but also many of the smallest insects are social beings who, without any religion, law or education, survive by mutual cooperation based on an innate recognition of their interconnectedness. The most subtle level of material phenomena is also governed by interdependence. All phenomena from the planet we inhabit to the oceans, clouds, forests and flowers that surround us, arise in dependence upon subtle patterns of energy. Without their proper interaction, they dissolve and decay.

It is because our own human existence is so dependent on the help of others that our need for love lies at the very foundation of our existence. Therefore we need a genuine sense of responsibility and a sincere concern for the welfare of others.

We have to consider what we human beings really are. We are not like machine-made objects. If we are merely mechanical entities, then machines themselves could alleviate all of our sufferings and fulfill our needs.

However, since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. Instead, we should consider our origins and nature to discover what we require.

I'm going to interject here purely because I recognise that you are busy people who are not necessarily at luxury to spend all day reading blogs about the meaning of life. Although what I am about to do is probably sacreligious on numerous levels, in the interest of saving you time, I'm going to paraphrase (ie. butcher) the remainder of this message from the Dalai Lama (hanging head in shame. You can read the full text here).

Leaving aside the complex question of creation and evolution we can agree that we're a product of our parents. When a couple decides to have a child, the child's very conception is founded in love.

When we are born we are defenceless and it is through love that our parents care for us. As we grow older we require affection and love to ensure that our brains will mature properly. Love is the most important nourishment that a child receives.

In all areas of life, affection and respect from and of others are vital for our happiness.

No-one is born free from the need for love and thus, human beings cannot be defined as being solely physical.

Some people believe that anger and hatred are dominant of love and compassion, but I do not believe this to be the case. However, we do have an innate self centredness that inhibits love for others.

True happiness can only be brought about by a calm mind and this requires a compassionate attitude.

We must make a concerted effort to develop compassion. When you recognize that all beings are equal in their desire for and right to happiness, you feel empathy with them, which leads to a wish to help them to overcome their problems and this wish applies to all. It is within your power to develop this kind of compassion.

We can begin by removing anger and hatred. Through reason and patience we can develop a controlled energy to help us to handle difficult situations. Compassion is peaceful and gentle but it is also powerful.

Thinking that compassion and reason and patience are good will not be sufficient to develop them. We must practice. For this reason, our enemies are our best teachers.

Anger and hatred will always be harmful unless we train our minds and work to reduce their negative force.

It is natural and right that we all want friends. When we have money it often seems that we have many friends, but these are friends of our money and our power. We must prepare for times when we do not have money or power and make genuine friends who will help us when the need arises.

In conclusion, I would like to expand this point to state that individual happiness can contribute in a profound and effective way to the overall improvement of our entire human community.

We all share an identical need for love and in whatever circumstances we meet, we are brothers and sisters.

I believe that at every level, the key to a happier, more successful world is the growth of compassion. We do not need to become religious, nor do we need to believe in an ideology. All that is necessary is for each of us to develop our good human qualities.

I try to treat whoever I meet as an old friend. This gives me a genuine feeling of happiness. It is the practice of compassion.